Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Why every household needs a man

There is, of course, an imminent debate about whether same-sex female couples should have a man 'about the house' before they have IVF treatment.

Despite my previous post on this, I have now changed my mind and, based on my years of experience as the sole male in a household with two females, I am solidly of the view that every household needs a man.

Here are the reasons a man is needed:

1. Opening particularly stubborn pickle jars (although you can get gadgets or indeed a rubber band to do this nowadays).

2. Mending a fuse once every blue moon (although it's a myth that this is difficult. All you need is a firm chair or stepladder, a torch and a decently fitting screwdriver).

3. Always 'being right' in discussions on the identity of voiceover artists ("It is certainly NOT Ian McShane").

4. Helping little one in particularly rarefied areas of maths homework.

5. Mending the computer.

6. Cheering up the household with an effusive display of ear and nose hair, and occasional "EVACUATE ALL PERSONNEL" immitations of a stink bomb.

7. Clearing spiders from the stair/bath. "There's a HUGE SPIDER on the stair". "I'll do it - oh it's only a tiddler - incy,wincy spider...."

In fact all these tasks can be done with a decent handbook, textbook, gadget or a copy of "Stage". The one exception is number 7.

So, the reason that same-sex female couples who want IVF treatment need a man is to protect them from spiders!

Where would the ego of men be without arachnophobia?

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