Tory think-tank: 'Abandon northern cities'

David Cameron's favourite Tory think-tank, Policy Exchange (Chairman: former Telegraph Editor, Charles Moore), says that there should be "Mass internal migration" to move people from northern cities such as Sunderland, Oldham and Bolton to southern cities such as Oxford and Cambridge. This news comes on the day that David Cameron embarks on a major tour of the north. Excellent timing.

I can just imagine Charles Moore (aka "Lord Snooty" - below) going up to people in Sunderland to tell them they should move to Cambridge.

Excellent idea! Well done team!

Henley deliveries - we're 10 grams ahead of the Tories!

This reflective Henley constituency resident has carefully described all the election literature she has so far received:

The 13 publications which I have received from the Liberal Democrats weighs a total of 118 grams, the Conservatives have sent 10 which weigh in at 108 grams.

Wey-hey!

Nick Clegg's leadership self-implodes amidst wailing and gnashing of teeth.......not

So the good folk of Sligo, Waterford et al have voted "no" to the EU revising treaty, known as the Lisbon Treaty.

So, this might mean that the changes in the document do not go ahead.

How awful! I am dumbstruck!

This really is the end of civilisation as we know it.

Conservative Home: "The Henley campaign may not be as exciting as Crewe."

It's terrible isn't it? One wonders how all those Conservative "activists" can drag themselves to Henley.... The poor things. It's just not exciting enough for them.

42 - so obviously the right number

Despairing of finding a logical reason for this detention with no charge for 42 days malarkey (well, a logical reason other than 'Gordon wants it') I went to the ever-reliable (except when it's not) Wikipedia and it all became clear: 42 is the obvious number to choose!

(Italicised quotes are from Wikipedia)

In Mathematics it's the second sphenic number to be bracketed by twin primes.

In Science, it's the atomic number of molybdenum.

It's the angle for which a rainbow appears.

According to the History Channel. If one were to create a tunnel through the earth connecting two cities the gravity propelled trip would take 42 minutes regardless of the choice of cities (about the same time as a trip down the lower colon of Gordon Brown).

In astronomy Messier object M42, is a magnitude 5.0 diffuse nebula in the constellation Orion, also known as the Orion Nebula .

In religion the number 42 appears many times in various tracts. In the Bible, there are 42 generations (names) in the Gospel of Matthew's version of the Genealogy of Jesus; it is prophesied that for 42 months the Beast will hold dominion over the Earth (Revelation 13:5); 42 men of Beth-azmaveth were counted in the census of men of Israel upon return from exile (Ezra 2:24); God sent bears to maul 42 of the youths who mock Elisha for his baldness (2 Kings 2:23), etc.

In literature, Carroll's Alice, has 42 illustrations. In Chapter XII, the king explains "the oldest rule in the book": "Rule Forty-two. All persons more than a mile high to leave the court". Carroll also uses the number in a line in The Hunting of the Snark : "He had forty-two boxes, all carefully packed..."

There are the Kumars at 42, the episode of Doctor Who called 42 which lasts 42 minutes....

There is the rock group Level 42 and the Icelandic Band Strigaskór nr. 42.

In sport there are 42 laws of cricket. It was the jersey number of Jackie Robinson, which is the first and only number retired by all Major League Baseball teams.

In technology, 42 is a common magic number used by programmers. In the TIFF image file format, the second 16-bit word of every file is 42, which is used together with the first word to indicate byte order. In the reiser4 file system, 42 is the inode number of the root directory.

And of course there was a book, show and film written about 42nd Street.

....and most of these references pre-date Douglas Adams and 42 - "the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything".

So it is perfectly obvious why Gordon Brown has chosen 42. Oh ye of little faith!

Gordie might however, ponder on the reason that Douglas Adams gave for picking 42:

The answer to this is very simple. It was a joke. It had to be a number, an ordinary, smallish number, and I chose that one. Binary representations, base thirteen, Tibetan monks are all complete nonsense. I sat at my desk, stared into the garden and thought '42 will do.' I typed it out. End of story.

I suspect Gordon Brown will give much the same explanation, if he is honest, when he comes to finally writing his memoirs and writing up this "42" episode.

Why every household needs a man

There is, of course, an imminent debate about whether same-sex female couples should have a man 'about the house' before they have IVF treatment.

Despite my previous post on this, I have now changed my mind and, based on my years of experience as the sole male in a household with two females, I am solidly of the view that every household needs a man.

Here are the reasons a man is needed:

1. Opening particularly stubborn pickle jars (although you can get gadgets or indeed a rubber band to do this nowadays).

2. Mending a fuse once every blue moon (although it's a myth that this is difficult. All you need is a firm chair or stepladder, a torch and a decently fitting screwdriver).

3. Always 'being right' in discussions on the identity of voiceover artists ("It is certainly NOT Ian McShane").

4. Helping little one in particularly rarefied areas of maths homework.

5. Mending the computer.

6. Cheering up the household with an effusive display of ear and nose hair, and occasional "EVACUATE ALL PERSONNEL" immitations of a stink bomb.

7. Clearing spiders from the stair/bath. "There's a HUGE SPIDER on the stair". "I'll do it - oh it's only a tiddler - incy,wincy spider...."

In fact all these tasks can be done with a decent handbook, textbook, gadget or a copy of "Stage". The one exception is number 7.

So, the reason that same-sex female couples who want IVF treatment need a man is to protect them from spiders!

Where would the ego of men be without arachnophobia?