Should London's Mayor be earning £4.98 a word for this lazy bovine scatology?

Today we get evidence in the Daily Telegraph of Boris' well paid weekend job. What a joy it is! Every word is worth the £4.98 which Boris gets paid for it. Not. It is entitled: "If sitting on our backsides were a sport, we'd be world champions". (Boris will be on a float leading the Gay Pride March at the weekend - but I am sure that is a coincidence).

What a wise man he is. Here's 15 quids worth:

We invented football

Strictly speaking the Chinese did actually, or at least the ball-kicking generic game originated in China. I earned nothing for looking that up in Wikipedia.

Here's an expensive (£105) little quip:

...we were beaten by Croatia - and let me remind you that when I first joined this newspaper, Croatia didn't even exist.

Well, strictly speaking it did. It was part of Yugoslavia.

And how about this stonking 259 quids worth?

We should summon up our courage and tell our ballooning children to put down their beastly PlayStations and go and play outside. We should encourage them to walk or cycle to school. We should stop the sale of school playing fields. We should finally abandon the ethic of "all must have prizes".

What lazy generalisation! Typical Telegraph cack. At the weekend I saw 30 kids battling through a gruelling Biathle - 9 year-olds doing 1000 metres, followed by 200 metres swim in the sea - through the waves and over the big stones on the beach, followed by another 1000 metres. No "balooning children" there.

And what about schemes like "Go Kinetic" and walking buses which are already encouraging kids to walk or cycle to school in droves? And has Boris tried to sell off a playing field recently? It is nigh on impossible for a governing body to do it. "All must have prizes" - lazy generalisation again. I have been to state school sports days where there are the rankings and prizes for winners but also encouragement for all children regardless of ability.

...anyone who wants to help with grassroots sports coaching must go through an enormous Criminal Records Bureau procedure, and submit to 6in-thick files dictating exactly how the children can be exhorted to do better without hurting their feelings.

That's lazy B/S. CRB checks are not vastly time consuming and does Boris actually want criminals teaching children? Of course not, so how the heck would he check for criminals? Does he have a magic alternative method? "6 in-thick files..hurting feelings" - lazy nonsense. It doesn't happen in the real world.

All in all, I think Boris has reached the stage where he needs to stop being flattered by the Telegraph's cheques and properly enter the real, serious world. ...Devote himself entirely to the most powerful directly elected job in Britain and stop purveying lazy, rubbishy nonsense in the Telegraph. It reminds me of that stage you reach when you are getting out of a boat and have one foot in the boat and one foot on land. The boat starts floating away from the land inexorably. You reach the point where you have to decide whether to stay in the boat, get onto land quick, or fall in the water. Boris has reached that point with his "journalism". If he was offering serious, well-researched opinions, it would be different. But he is actually offering nothing more than the ill-informed meanderings which can be overheard in any lounge bar in the home counties after 10.30pm on any night of the week.