Today, Cameron has replied. He doesn't start in a promising way. The first 268 words of his 886 word article are expended in waffle and moaning about Brown.
Then he tells us that it really is terrible that Labour are obsessed with measuring the NHS. So Cameron's Conservatives will.........er.........measure the NHS. Only outcomes rather than processes. Glad that's cleared up.
...our policies won't be governed by what makes a good headline.
Oh dear! Stomach hurts! This PR Man from a cruddy ITV company, who has behaved like a PR man as Tory leader, wants us to believe he will suddenly change his spots as he slams the door of Number 10 behind him. That's a good one!
He then starts pronouncing what I suppose he thinks are firm and detailed policies:
....sharing the proceeds of growth
Oh for goodness sake. He doesn't say how much he will share and when he will share it. It's a tepid aspiration which Labour could just as easily say they have achieved through a 20 pence basic rate of income tax - which was once the Tory Holy Grail.
...putting rocket boosters behind renewable energy
This man should go onto the stage. Who said Music Hall was dead?! Max Wall eat your heart out. Rocket boosters on renewable energy. I don't think there are many rocket boosters which don't let off about ten trillion tonnes of carbon when they go off - which would somewhat defeat the object of the renewable energy exercise. Presumably the rocket boosters will be provided by the man Cameron has put in charge of his renewable energy policy - Alan Duncan, a man who is one of the world's experts in making money out of energy which is....er....not renewable - namely oil.
...having a border police force.
In other words, Village People cops to satisfy Daily Mail readers. All butch uniforms and swaggering.
...the importance of wellbeing and quality-of-life issues.
Oh yes, He's told us how important it is to be like him and live the millionaire's Notting Hill lifestyle. Muesli and Blueberries at 5 pence a pop. But what the Sam Hill is he going to do to give us wellbeing and quality of life? The square root of diddly squat - that's what.
But we are not just setting the agenda today - we have an inspiring vision for tomorrow too. The aim of the Conservative Party is nothing short of building the good society. We will be as radical in social reform as Margaret Thatcher was in economic reform.
More honey-coated waffles in other words. He doesn't actually say what he will do in social reform. Cobblers and double cobblers.
Oh sorry. Stop Press. He's made a commitment. One of the next tasks of the Conservative government will be "lifting up society". No details of how this will be done and, indeed, what in the name of Holy Mackerel it actually means. Will he get Kwikfit to put society on one of their car lift thingeys that they use to lift your car up to change the tyres?
Tackling joblessness, getting people off drugs, putting children on the straight and narrow
How? How? HOW?!!
...And answer came there none.
We will give parents the power to set up new schools. Once parents are more closely involved in how their child's school is run, they will take more responsibility for making sure it is a success...
Like the last Conservative government did and the current Labour government did, eh?
That will drive standards up and provide our society with the economic and social security that a skilled workforce brings.
What complete and unmitigated tosh! Giving a bit of more power to parents (which they often have anyway through governing bodies) is not going to do all that! This man is to policy-making what Julian Clery is to spot-welding.
And welfare reform? How is he going to do that? Give a bit more responsibilty to charities, that's what. Ah yes! That'll work wonders. Nye Bevan had nothing on this coming historic millennial Cameron Welfare revolution!
And the success of these charities "will mean more people moving from long-term poverty to long-term employment". Of course it will David - a positive sea-change will result! (Nurse - the screens!)
Cameron finishes by declaring that the Tories have:
....a coherent vision and a focused set of priorities
Ah yes. "Let sunshine win the day!"
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