I preface this with the usual disclaimer. I did not buy the Daily Mail today but I did read it using a free copy helpfully provided at the excellent Victoria Park cafe in Newbury. Say what you like about the Mail's political rantings, its coverage of celebrity nonsense is without paralell. Today I became engrossed in a report of the minutiae of X Factor, several juicy bits of which I read out to my fellow cafeists.
This was the clincher:
Simon also requires lots of mirrors. Louis says: 'He has mirrors everywhere, and he looks at himself, and he's making eyes at himself, and he's frowning at himself.'
You'd have to have a heart of stone not to laugh.