Monday, January 29, 2007

Woman in underwear to be projected onto Newbury Town Hall - approved

...but it won't happen.

There has been considerable excitement in the corridors of Newbury Town Council this last week. We probably all need to sit down and have a cup of tea with lots of sugar in it (or bromide in my case).

Maverick Television contacted us to ask if they could project the image of a local woman in only "bra and knickers" onto the Town Hall building. This is for the Channel 4 programme, "How to look good naked". It aims to make people feel good about themselves.

It was decided that the Town Councillors themselves had to decide whether to give permission for this use of the Town Hall. So a virtual meeting of the Town Council Urgency Sub-committee was duly convened with the discreet title: "To decide on a particular use of the Town Hall". The committee decided to give the go-ahead to the proposal. ("We're not prudes" said the Mayor)

However, we then heard from the television company that our building is the wrong colour. It's too dark. So they are tyring to find a lighter building. Newbury Telephone Exchange (infamous local white elephant) was suggested ("the only time anyone has found a decent use for it" was one quip).

I enjoyed the announcement of the minutes of the Urgency sub-committee at our full council meeting last night. The lady from the "Newbury Weekly News" was gazing into the near-distance, pen un-exercised, when the Mayor read out "blah blah...minutes of urgency sub-committee..blah.... held to consider particular use of town hall...Maverick television..blah...image to be projected..blah blah". However, when the Mayor mentioned "woman naked except for her underwear" suddenly the Newbury Weekly News pen flew into frenzied action!


  1. Hmm. How exactly is this going to help men feel good about themselves when they are naked? I can understand that (heterosexual) men might feel good looking at a big picture of a woman in underwear - it seems like quite a nice thing to do - but will this really help them feel good about themselves when they take their own clothes off, I wonder?

    I sense danger, Liberal. Firstly - the picture of the local woman should be done without underwear if the programme makers are to be taken on trust. And fourthly (my second and third points were unanswerable, but a technical glitch seems to have erased them, unfortunately) - a nice naked picture of a local man would seem in order if any credibility is to be given to this sorry saga of despair and debauchery in Newbury-on-the-Ropes.

    The title chosen by the sub-committee, by the way - "To decide on a particular use of the Town Hall" - was a disgracefully attractive misuse of, well, words and intention.

    I shall be presenting my girlfriend with a document entitled "to decide on a particular use of the gable end of the house" just as soon as she gets home from work. The very dullnes of the title will see her shooing me off. She will only have herself to blame, then, when a nice big picture of a naked local man dramatically materialises some time early tomorrow afternoon.

    From Ireland to Newbury with thanks.....

  2. I think I might have missed an "s" at the end of the word "dullness". Comment moderation can cause the visitor anxieties - I have no idea of knowing what I've just written. I could have said ANYTHING, for pity's sake.

    Tally -ho.

  3. Good point, PE.

    I am not volunteering.

  4. Whatever you write is sheer poetry, warts and all, so don't worry!

  5. excellent point you make periodic englishman. "How exactly is this going to help men feel good about themselves when they are naked?" I completely agree with you on this one.