Prescott speaks - and who said Music Hall is dead?

John Prescott has pulled himself up to his full height. He has spoken with the full weight of authority vested in him as "Deputy Prime Minister". He was there on BBC News at Ten. I can't find a link to it, but I swear I saw him.

Now, one can forgive old Reidy and Squeaky Alexander getting up at 4.30am on Thursday morning and doing a deadpan, straight to camera, never mind the questions, "the Scots have taken you over, you Sassenach devils" announcement of the terror alert.

But two days later, after John Reid had chaired several Cobra meetings, and Blair had spent hours on the phone to Bush, Chirac et al, is there any excuse for the "Deputy Prime Minister", John Prescott, to dispense with the independent minds of journalists and talk straight to camera?

And even if he had an excuse to do that, is there any excuse for the repulsive faux smiles he assumed and the asinine platitudes which he spouted? It could all be roughly translated as "I have got some sort of role here, even if it is just thanking people".

So there it is. The answer to the question: "What is John Prescott for?". It is:

"To thank people...oh....and he also serves to remind you of that bloke....that comic chap...started in the Music Hall.....northern chap...was it Les Dawson?...or Max Wall?...or Robb Wilton?"

At last we have been told. He gets paid £133,000 a year. That works out at about £1,000 per grisly smile and £1,000 per evoked memory of that chap who started in the Music Hall.

"Yes...that was it...Robb Wilton...the incompetant minor civil servant...it's all there:..'The day war broke out, my Tony said to me, he said..."Get back in the broom cupboard Presco...and come out once the dust has settled and thank a few people" ' "

Senator Ted Stevens' "Toobs"

This is a classic of its genre. Senator Ted Stevens represents Alaska on the US Senate. He has made some controversial statements about the internet. This has led a bright spark to produce this musical rendition of some of Senator Stevens' more inspired bon mots on the subject of cyberspace. It is a fascinating aural experience. As they say over the pond: "Enjoy!"

My thanks to my personal cognitive dissonance adviser for making me aware of this gem.

Late Conservative agent's son is a suspect

An interesting piece of background to the airline terrorist plot:

The Sun and the Guardian report that one of the suspects, Abdul Waheed, was born Don Stewart-Whyte, the son of Conservative agent Douglas Stewart-Whyte, who died nine years ago.

Boris Johnson loses it on road safety

..and the Criminal Justice Unit are reviewing his case.

Boris Johnson regularly road-tests flashy cars. When he went for selection as the Conservative PPC at Henley, he just happened to be road-testing a brand new Roller at the time. And, of course, he was forced to park it ostentatiously next to the front of the building where all the Conservative party faithful were entering.

Now he seems to have gone a little too far and shown his ignorance of basic road safety.

He was photographed with both his two sons in the front seat beside him, going down the M6 in a sports car.

Johnson's reply to the accusation of recklessness speaks volumes: "Mr Johnson told the London Evening Standard the boys had a seatbelt on. "

It would be interesting to confirm if he actually did mean "seatbelt". He probably did. There is usually only one seat belt in the passenger seat of a car. So it seems that is what he meant - seatbelt - singular.

Oh dear. If two people wear the same seat belt, any accident would end up with the hugely exaggerated weight of each child pressing up against each other and the seatbelt, resulting in a sorry mess.

No wonder the website, Kidshealth, says: "Never share seat belts. It may seem like fun, but two kids should never buckle up as a pair. "

Then, we should consider the mayhem which would be unleashed when the airbag goes off with two children in the front seat....

The Times reports that the Criminal Justice Unit are reviewing the case.

'Disgraceful' attack on photographers in Lebanon - Greenslade

Former Daily Mirror editor and media commentator, Roy Greenslade, comments on accusations about photographs of the aftermath of bombings in the Lebanon.

Blair and his right wing chums flock together on Israel/Lebanon

I was rather struck by a statement by Tony Blair on the BBC this morning. He was asked why it seems that the UK and the US are standing alone in not calling for an immediate ceasefire by Israel.

No, he said, the UK and the US are not alone. The same position, he insisted, is being taken by Germany, Australia and Canada.

Ah!

Then I had a little think....

Germany - led by Angela Merkel of the right-wing Christian Democratic Union.

Australia - led by the right-wing John Howard and his nominally "Liberal" party.

Canada - run by a Conservative government.

So once again, the British Labour party led by Tony Blair, lines up with the pick of the bunch of the world's right-wing governments.

No surprise there then.

A lifetime of heaven in Somerset for £6,000

Butlin's are offering folk a holiday every year at their Minehead facility (I hesitate to use the old term 'camp') for the rest of their lives for £6,000.

You can't say fairer than that. Minehead is a most beautiful place and Butlin's everything you would want for a family holiday.

It all brings back some wonderful memories. We had a marvellous holiday there a few years ago. The standard of entertainment is always very high. You can understand why so many Red Coats go on to have show business careers - Butlin's gives them a superb grounding.

I also worked at Butlin's when it was a proper 'camp' before they brought in self-catering. I helped wash the dishes in the restaurant (canteen). The dish-washing machine was about 10 metres long. We had to wear white overalls and wellington boots because lots of smashed crockery ended up on the floor.

Wednesdays were a day we dishwashers dreaded. It was the day they served fried eggs. If the person putting the dishes into the machine didn’t wipe the egg off the plates properly, the machine, rather than washing the egg off, baked it on to the plate. I then had to stand at the end of the machine with a fork and sort of “grout off” the egg and put it back round the machine again. Happy Days. I had to do this about a hundred times on Wednesdays.

I really enjoyed the whole camp thing and had a little holiday romance into the bargain, which I enjoyed. I did evenings as a glass picker-up in the cabaret lounge. I saw Bob Monkhouse twice. The first time was brilliant. The second time was exactly the same as the first time!

The nightly disco was fun. You’d be dancing away to a loud disco record (eg. Donna Summer’s “I feel love” which was number one at the time – that dates me) and, all of a sudden, the record would be cut off and replaced by a very loud PA system with a voice shouting:

“THERE’S A BABY CRYING IN CHALET 447!!!”

That was great!